


If You Were A Woman

by LadyShadowphyre



Series: The Stony BROmance [3]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bromance Exists, Coffee is Necessary for Tony's Coherency, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-27 01:01:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/656290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyShadowphyre/pseuds/LadyShadowphyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve shouldn't Google the Avengers so much. Tony needs more coffee to deal with this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Were A Woman

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the AvengerKink prompt: After the Battle of Manhattan, Steve and Tony are frustrated by constantly being hounded by fangirls who think they're in a relationship, and can't even surf the web without coming across rumors, real person fanfics, and photo montages about the Captain America/Iron Man pairing. They're both heterosexual, but that doesn't get through to the fans, nor does it stop them from harassing Pepper.
> 
> Filled in honour of this prompt being exactly how my husband and I feel about the canon Steve and Tony _epic bromance_ interactions of 616!verse. Glories of fanfic, I can indulge my desire to see them getting it on, but in canon? Not happening.

**W** HY DO I KEEP FINDING 'Stony' whenever I search online for public opinion on the Avengers?"

Tony, who had just taken a sip of his coffee before hearing Steve's question, nearly choked on the usually ambrosial liquid and coughed harshly as he struggled to make his still half-asleep brain make sense of the words that sounded like they were English but were still incomprehensible. " _What_?"

With a frown, Steve passed him a dish towel to mop up the spilled coffee. "I like to search online for 'Avengers' to get an idea of how the public reacts to us. The word 'Stony' keeps popping up."

"Please tell me you didn't click any of those links," Tony said, swiping the dish towel over the counter and ignoring the stains on his shirt. It was due for a wash anyway. Steve was silent, which made Tony look up, and he groaned at the sight of the other man's awkward expression and blushing face. "You did." Coffee might not cut it for the upcoming conversation.

"Why would people write... that? About us?" Steve asked, honestly confused. "You've been with Pepper for months, and I know there have been photographs of me and Beth circulating..."

"Some people just don't understand the concept of 'heterosexual life partners'," Tony quipped. From the way Steve's cheeks flushed further, Tony was starting to think _Steve_ didn't get it, either. He sighed. "Look, it's like this. You're awesome, a great field commander, a good friend, and pretty hilarious when you loosen up and act your age instead of your rank. You are one of my eight favourite people ever, and if you were a woman, I'll be honest, I'd totally flirt with you." Steve was starting to look uncomfortable. Tony shouldered on. "But you're _not_ a woman, and I have no sexual interest in men. Tried in college, didn't do it for me, page turned. So that?" He pointed a finger at Steve's tablet. "Not gonna happen. I know that, you know that, our respective awesome girlfriends know that. The rest of them? Fuck 'em. They're going to think whatever they want, and so long as they keep it on the internet and away from death threats to Pepper or Beth for 'getting in the way'--"

"Death threats?!" Steve yelped, looking alarmed.

"Take it easy, soldier, SHIELD and SI both have that angle covered in case of the real crazies," Tony said as soothingly as he could manage. God, he needed coffee... or whiskey, whiskey would be good. "Point is, there are going to be people who think me loving you is equivalent to me wanting to fuck you or vice versa, regardless of our actual and, in my case, well-documented heterosexual preferences. Try not to get a complex about it."

"Oh," Steve said. He was silent for a long moment, during which Tony took the opportunity to finish his current mug of coffee and pour a second. "Hey, Tony? Me, too." Tony raised an eyebrow over his mug and Steve flushed. "If you were a woman. Me, too."

Tony managed to swallow his coffee without choking this time and raised his mug in salute. "Love you, too, bro."


End file.
